🔗 Share this article

On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically succeeded by a “sudden low”, during which he feels sensitive and self-conscious about his actions, rendering him especially susceptible to disapproval from others. He came to wonder he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors online – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he questions he would have taken the label if he hadn’t already reached that conclusion by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – especially if they harbor a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Though people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what the term implies the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people keep it private, because of so much stigma associated with the condition. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through things like displaying material goods,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in The Disorder

Though up to 75% of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are males, research points out this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. Male narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” notes an individual who shares content on her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on digital platforms. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with handling criticism and being turned down,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that the problem is me, I either go into defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Even with this response – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and take advice from her loved ones, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures as a child. I’ve had to teach myself over the years the difference between suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I never had that in my formative years,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were belittling me during my childhood.”

Root Causes of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve high marks and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, struggles with feelings. She is “really understanding of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his GP, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an evaluation and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for an extended period: It was indicated it is likely to occur early next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his mental health status, because “there’s a big stigma that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he comments. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the condition. But the presence of NPD content creators and the development of digital groups point to {more narcissists|a growing number